


Faux Pas

by markbumficfest, morkzone



Series: Markbum Fic Exchange 2018 [12]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Annoying BamBam, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, college markbum, hipster jinyoung, tatbilb au, wiseman jackson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 20:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markbumficfest/pseuds/markbumficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkzone/pseuds/morkzone
Summary: All Jaebum probably wants is to keep his overly meddlesome aunt off of his back—but what he didn’t expect is a pretend boyfriend and a few unwanted feelings to brew while he’s in character with the hot guy, Mark Tuan.





	Faux Pas

**Author's Note:**

> for rewindmp3
> 
> fanart: [here](https://www.dropbox.com/s/negu2g7gopue61p/faux%20pas.png?dl=0)
> 
> -
> 
> author's note:  
> To rewindmp3-nim, I hope this fic meets your expectations. I tried patterning it along TATBILB but since I haven’t really read the books and only watched the movie, I felt like what I have as references were a bit insufficient—so yes, I tried to improvise. I hope you liked it though(?) To the whole team that put up this markbum ficfest; I really appreciate everything you’re doing and have been doing for this little community that we have. You the real MVPs! Thank you so much! To the readers, co-writers and fanartists, I hope you guys enjoy this fic as well.
> 
> artist's note: i love fake dating aus and this fic? saved my life???? im so grateful, i drew so much for this fic, but... i hope for now, this will be enough...

“Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh!” a piercing yell could be heard from the school gardens, the frustration and defeat obvious in the person’s voice that has echoed along the bushes lining up the space.

It was Im Jaebum, or JB to most people, a third year photography major student, now currently tugging the roots of his hair to ease the tension that has settled around his body. He’s fighting the urge to throw all of his things, in the quick realization that he has to pick them up later when he (finally) calms down. If he will ever come down, that is. For now, he chose to settle in grunting and tugging his already hurting scalp to forget the recent phone call he received.

“Good god, why am I the favorite? This is not even in my favor!” he muses forlornly at his best friend, Jinyoung, who’s now looking at him sympathetically under his thick rimmed glasses and stylish fedora hat.

Bless the younger for his hipster fashion sense that only he could pull off.

“Was that your Aunt again?” he asks the older, closing his Murakami in favor of appeasing the other guy. Jaebum merely nods his head in response, too tired to even utter a simple yes for confirmation.

His Aunt Miyoung can be very overbearing sometimes (or okay, often, but Jaebum would forgive her and just say sometimes just because she has given him the best gifts before), her overflowing love smothering Jaebum’s simple life. Ever since he came to the US with his mom and stepdad, his aunt has made it a mission to annoy the heck out of him. It may have been unintentional—his aunt’s excessive prying and snooping in his business, but the effect is still the same, Jaebum hates how she wants a hand on everything related to him.

It also doesn’t help that when Jaebum came out to his family in first year of High School, his aunt made it her personal mission to set him up with almost everyone. And by everyone, Jaebum means with every girl his good ol’ aunt knows. As if his sexual orientation would just magically change just because the girl’s pretty and she has a good body.

As if something’s wrong with him and he needed some fixing.

This time his aunt has made another frustrating decision—his cousin, Soohyun, is getting married this weekend, and like in every Korean wedding affair, everyone’s invited.

Jaebum has gone through tons of birthdays and anniversaries being introduced to his aunt’s friends’ daughters. To say it was awkward was an understatement. The girls would usually become interested in him until he tells them that he’s gay and would no way in hell be interested in them. That is where everything would go downhill because the girls will either try to befriend him (“Because I always want to have a gay friend,” they say) or still hit on him, taking him as a challenge they need to crack.

It has been 6 years already and he’s so fucking done with it.

So instead of quietly agreeing to being introduced to another girl as his date for the wedding, Jaebum panicked and told his aunt that he’s seeing someone. A total lie, of course. Because even when he was still confused about his sexuality years ago, he haven’t really dated anyone.

He’s too much of a woozy to even ask anyone out or to let anyone ask him out.

“Did she want you to date another one of her friends’ daughter again?” Jinyoung guesses, smiling smugly when the older cringes.

“Yeah, I’m so fucking frustrated with her trying to set me up with these girls when she clearly knows I’m gay,” Jaebum pouts, rubbing his hands on his face.

“Now, hyung, stop throwing a fit and just show your aunt that you’re no pushover. I mean, it has been years already. She should have already accepted that this is not a phase,” Jinyoung lets out an irritated huff. “You know what’s your problem? You always give her too much pass to veer you into what she wants.”

“Well, just so you know, I just tried getting out of her grasp but that turned out to be futile because I’m into a deeper shit now,” Jaebum complains, causing Jinyoung’s brows to raise in question. “I panicked when she insisted that I date the girl so I may have told her that I’m dating someone already… and that we’ve been going steady for the past few months. Now she wants to meet the imaginary guy,” the older says, closing his eyes in shame.

“What?! Are you crazy? You haven’t even dated anyone before,” Jinyoung reiterates matter of factly, causing him to flush in embarrassment.

“I am perfectly aware. But what should I do? My mind went completely blank. I just said that without thinking further,” he mumbles, sighing deeply as he leans his head on his friend’s shoulder.

There’s a quiet pause that envelopes them for a minute, making Jaebum anticipate his best friend’s pensiveness to be fruitful.

“Will he be there that’s why you panicked and told that horrible and very lame lie?” Jinyoung finally asks, freeing the older from his anticipation. However, it also made the latter cringe in another embarrassing thought.

For chrissake, whenever he remembers him, all Jaebum could think about is murdering his younger brother, Bambam. Not that he haven’t tried before, but then he thought about his stepdad and how he would be devastated knowing his son was murdered by his stepson. He would be left by himself since Jaebum’s mom passed away 5 years ago.

“You know, hyung, you should stop running away. Like try facing these things for a change. That hyung and you would eventually have to talk about it. The earlier you settle things, the lesser mess it’ll cause.”

Jaebum lets out another deep bothered sigh, shaking his head in frustration. “It’s not that easy, Jinyoung-ah. I mean, Bambam has robbed me the liberty to at least tell him myself. If that rat didn’t put it upon himself to send them to hyung then I wouldn’t have to be so awkward around him. I have never been awkward around him even with my whole being gay has been out in the open.”

“Your younger brother’s an ass. But you shouldn’t blame him entirely. You wouldn’t be writing those if at the tiniest part of your brain you haven’t considered sending them, right?”

Jaebum frowns at this, pushing himself out of his friend’s shoulders. “I hate you, do you know that?”

Jinyoung chuckles, knowing that he’s slowly chipping at his friend’s stubborn brain, at least for a bit.

“Yeah, yeah.” He then starts putting his things inside his messenger bag, chucking them inside causing the other to scrunch his nose in distaste. Jinyoung with all of his neat looking fashion, has a tendency to be a lowkey slob. “Well, I have to go now. I still have class and it’s on the other side of the campus... And no, hyung, please don’t ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend. Even your mom—may she rest in peace—with all the goodness of her romantic heart, wouldn’t buy that shit.”

Jaebum, who is about to ask the said option, grimaces in defeat. He was actually thinking of using his friend as a clutch, but too bad since the younger’s too clever to dodge the bullet.

“But—”

The younger shakes his head adamantly, rolling his eyes from the confirmation. “No, hyung. I swear no one would buy our shit. We’re like brothers. And although we both batted for the same team, I would never ever, like ever date you. You’re too uptight for my sexy ass.”

“I won’t even ask you!” Jaebum replies defensively. “You’re too loud and obnoxious. I at least want someone, even just for pretend, to be like me,” he argues, harrumphing at his friend.

Jinyoung laughs at this, clapping his hand in glee. “Good luck in finding another loser who would be crushing on people in silence leaving him the only virgin at twenty. Now that’s going to be interesting. Bye, hyung!” And with that, Jinyoung slowly walks away from his presence, his departure leaving the older guy to contemplate on his actions. He really should have just been honest and told his aunt to stop playing matchmaker on him. But he also knew how fickle she could be. As if he haven’t tried and failed before.

For the nth time that day, Jaebum lets out a deep sigh, praying and hoping a miracle could happen and he’ll have a pretend boyfriend in a minute or he could just have a weird accident that would hinder him to go to the wedding.

The accident sounds even more plausible at that moment.

***

“Seriously, dude? Drunk texting your ex? The same one who cheated on you with his ex girlfriend?” Jackson groans, disappointment coloring his eyes as he scans Mark’s disheveled state.

He tried looking unbothered by the whole stupidity he pulled last night but he couldn’t help but realize how idiotic it actually was when his friend looks at him like this.

Jackson with all intents and purposes is an easy going guy. He’s more of a go-do-what-makes-you-happy kind of person instead of being the rational one. But for the first time, he admonishes Mark’s lame decision.

Mark shouldn’t really downed that Tequila shots his high school buddies lined up for him last night.

“What? It’s not a big deal. Gab wouldn’t even take it seriously, anyway,” he reasons out, but even to his own ears it sounds unconvincing.

Jackson looks at him incredulously. “He wouldn’t? Are you sure about that? Your ex is an ass, he’ll take it seriously and gloat that you can’t move on from him. I’d be surprised if he didn’t already,” the younger guy argues, hitting a good point because yes, that is actually true.

While Gab can be sweet around Mark, the former also has the tendency to feed from affections, making him vulnerable to cheat which was the reason they broke up—again. 

Mark’s tired of the on and off again relationship they have both shared for the past 2 years. Yet in his idiocy, he couldn’t understand why he sent that message to his ex boyfriend last night.

“I miss you,” his text said.

A simple statement holding so many meanings that would be misunderstood by a person feeding from somebody else’s dependency. Mark knew how his relationship with Gab has been from the beginning.

Toxic—a co-dependency that’s borderline hopeless.

Yet he comes back to him… like an addict needing his next fix.

“He’s happy with his new fling. He won’t mind my shit anymore.”

“I have heard this a thousand times already. I swear to god, Marky, you gravitate around that guy like a moth to the flame. What you need now is a guy who would treat you like a precious stone, not a rock at the side of the road.”

Mark pouts at this, unable to contest his friend’s statement because what can he do? It’s not as if what Jackson’s saying wasn’t true.

He opted to breathe in deeply instead, trying to forget the messy decisions he’s been making lately.

On cue, the sound of the University bells indicated that it’s way past noon already, prompting both boys to part and move towards their respective classes, Jackson, on his way to the Education building while Mark runs at the other end of the campus, near the gardens.

He was about to turn towards his building when he heard the agonizing cry from someone inside the maze-like bushes.

Mark knows he wasn’t supposed to listen to someone else’s woes but the other person’s voice lured him to hear the end of the story which later on caused him to skip his Advanced Statistics II class. Mark can also say that in the middle of the other guy’s rants, he may have already harbored a certain sympathy for him.

If he was placed in the other’s shoes, Mark would have already lashed out already, causing the aunt to cut him off from the family tree completely.

Once he heard the long silence to have finally stretch out, Mark takes a hesitant peep at the said guy, drawing a surprised gasp when he found out that he actually knows who it is. Well, not really, know know but Mark remembered him to be a former classmate in his Classical Literature class in first year. 

The guy with the soothing voice when he reads aloud and two distinct moles on his left eyelid. Not that he’s staring, no. It was just too obvious to ignore.

Mark stares at the other guy’s present distressed state, contemplating if he has to come up and console him or just walk away. He knows that the latter option would have been best since sticking his fingers into another person’s mess (when in fact, he already has his own to drown in,) would only mean chaos. Yet he can’t understand why he couldn’t leave him alone.

This could be a good distraction, he thinks. I’m just going to ask how I can help, that’s all, he reasons quietly while walking towards the helpless guy.

“Hey,” he says, his voice nothing but more than a whisper, but it alerted the other guy just the same. The guy raises his head to face him, eyes stormy from his inner turmoil that almost suffocated Mark’s core.

Wow, I didn’t know he had such beautiful eyes, he realizes, stuttering as he tries to talk him.

“Uhm… I uhh… I remember us being classmates in Classical Lit class. You look like you’re having a problem… Are you okay?” Mark bites his lip in frustration, not really knowing what to say without sounding like a total meddler, which… he is.

The other guy keeps his eyes on him, a glint of confusion marring his beautiful face that looks stoic each moment that passes by that Mark’s trying to grope for words to say.

Finally taking pity on him, he averts his eye from him, saying, “Yeah. You’re Mark Tuan, right?”

He nods his head, looking sheepish as he says, “Yes. And this is embarrassing, but I forgot yours. What was your name… again?”

The other guy chuckles lightly, nodding his head as if he’s recalling an inside joke Mark has no idea about.

“It’s Im Jaebum,” the other guy says, his eye smile sort of distracting Mark a little bit. “…but most of the people here couldn’t pronounce it properly so I tell them to just call me JB.”

“Jaebum,” Mark mumbles his name, testing it on his tongue and finding it weird that he likes the sound of it better than the English one. “Can I just call you Jaebum?”

The said guy nods his head, smiling slightly although there’s still a hint of confusion and is that amusement in his eyes? Mark bites his lip in nervousness.

Now what?

When he thought of walking up to Jaebum a while ago, it was laced with an impulsive courage fueled by sympathy. Now that he’s in front of him and on the end of his gaze, he feels a bit helpless, silly even to think that he could help him, when Jaebum looks like he doesn’t even need one. He looked like he could perfectly help himself.

Oh, fudge.

“Okay, uhm… look, don’t feel weirded out but I heard…I heard you and your friend talking a while ago. I didn’t really mean to eavesdrop but I just got worried when I heard someone screamed. So, uhh… yeah,” he trails off lamely, cheeks getting warm from shame. It didn’t help that Jaebum’s lips turned into a comical shape of an O right then, all the while blinking rapidly at him.

“You heard?” he asks, the same shade of red now creeping from his neck to his cheeks. Mark wanted to revel in his cuteness but he knew it wasn’t the right time.

He anticipated Jaebum to be mad, accuse him of spreading rumors and worse, stalking. He mentally cringe of how his actions sounded like even to him at that moment. He should have really stuck to walking away instead of embarrassing himself this way.

He was suddenly pulled out of his self loathing when Jaebum mumbles incoherently.

“Huh?” he mindlessly mutters back.

“I said would you like to be my pretend boyfriend then? Since you’re here and you’ve heard my embarrassing situation. I mean, I might as well just ask since it’s out in the open anyway,” Jaebum shrugs nonchalantly, irking Mark a little bit. “Right?”

He seems to be dejected by the idea, crushing the latter’s fragile ego of being the hopeless and last resort. Mark felt a certain overprotectiveness for the other guy, thinking that Jaebum should have thought about this better, not jumping into the first person that seems to be agreeable.

Not that Mark’s ever planning to say yes to his desperate proposal. 

No…

***

Jaebum knows it was a crazy idea; asking someone to be his pretend boyfriend for a day or two days tops (in case he also needed to invite the guy to his cousin’s rehearsal dinner). But what Jaebum didn’t anticipate to be one of the craziest things he’ll think of pulling today was asking Mark Tuan to be his pretend boyfriend.

But who could blame him though? The guy’s good looking, has that cute smile and always swollen lips for how many times he would bite into it. He’s somewhat popular as well, one of the goodlooking guys in campus that if Jaebum’s still in South Korea he would not be surprised to see the other boy in some page honoring the ulzzangs.

And okay, yeah, Jaebum may or may not have harbored a small crush on Mark since froshie years.

But then again, who could blame him, though?

Mark Tuan is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, acting all cutesy and awkward but Jaebum has seen him in action once, with that guy Gabriel, his on and off boyfriend for about 2 years—he knows this information because Mark is popular at school and not because he’s keeping tabs on the guy on Instagram. Definitely not. He’s already seen Mark dancing and making out, hanging out at the Corner Café with his popular crowd and driving that obviously white expensive Range Rover to school, while Jaebum silently wades through the crowd of average college students.

He sees the said boy now gulping nervously in front of him, eyes frantic as he registers what he said.

“I was just kidding. Please stop looking like you’re going to puke. Don’t take it seriously,” he then says, freeing Mark from the embarrasing experience of having to turn down a nobody. Mark studies him quietly, lips still trapped by his teeth, making the gesture sexy and tempting for him.

Jaebum needed to steel himself so he could look away from it, feigning bravado as he hears the other boy says, “What if… What if I told you that I’m down with the idea? Still won’t take it seriously?” Mark murmurs, grinning nervously as he sits beside him on the bench, dropping his bag on their feet and gazing up at Jaebum.

“What?” he asks incredulously, fighting the urge to pinch himself so he could prove that he isn’t dreaming.

“Look, I don’t know your aunt personally but based on the short version of what I have heard... Sorry about that again, I’m sure she’ll turn it against you. You having no one to bring to the wedding, I mean,” the smaller man starts to say, sighing deeply as he hugs his knee close to his chest. “And… this might be fun, right?! I can even help someone in need.”

“I am not a charity case,” he deadpans, earning a chuckle from the other.

“Of course you’re not and I didn’t say you are. I just really wanna help, okay?” Mark assures him, pulling a smile out of him. “Besides…” he trails off, spiking up the suspense for Jaebum. The latter’s already beating heart, gallops this time, wreaking havoc in his chest, especially when he saw the other boy’s coy smile, his adorable canine glinting in the sunlight.

He remembers Mark to be goodlooking but he did not expect him to be drop dead gorgeous up close. Jaebum needs to steel his resolve if he wants to survive this interaction with the other boy. “I have a small favor. If you’re down, you can also help me make my ex boyfriend jealous, help me give him the dose of his own medicine.”

Whatever’s going through his mind halts immediately, clearing the haze in his head as he tries to understand what Mark said.

“I’m sorry, what? You want to make your ex boyfriend jealous?” Mark widens his smile then, nodding his head for emphasis. “Why?”

“So that he won’t even think that I couldn’t stand being without him. Once he sees me dating somebody else, he’ll realize that I have finally moved on and my ego will brizzle in happiness.”

There is a determined smile on Mark’s lips then, his expression hopeful and somewhat excited. Jaebum bites his tongue when he almost asked, But are you really? Since who in their right mind would need a pretend boyfriend so he could make it seem that he’s okay? That he’s moved on?

But then, who is he to judge when he’s out here looking for a pretend boyfriend so he could throw his aunt off his back as well?

Jaebum sighs in defeat, oddly finding resolve in Mark’s weird logic. 

Well, didn’t he ask for a miracle?

He reaches his hand towards the other boy, mindful that it’s shaking a little bit, from nervousness or excitement, he couldn’t tell. He would have been completely mortified if he haven’t seen Mark’s hand shaking in the same manner, looking out of place in Jaebum’s average hand. By then he feels the warmth of the other boy’s palm wrapping around his, delicate fingers to stubby ones, both are clammy, both have undercurrent of tremors in them. They slowly shake, and just like that, their deal started.

***

“Why do we need to do it for three months?” Jaebum asks, confused as to why Mark wanted to prolong their setup when he only needs to pretend to be Jaebum’s date in a wedding and Mark can always tell he’s dating Jaebum. He was answered with a frown by the other boy.

“Who would believe that I have moved on when they would only see us date once?” he asks matter of factly, shutting Jaebum up, making him just shrug and agree with the older.

Well, he’s the one with the relationship experience, he thinks quietly.

“Okay, Rule 1, any ideas?” Mark prompts, tapping his pen over Jaebum’s music notebook, an obnoxious Fake Dating Contract written along the top part of the blank page.

The latter clears his throat, hiding his creeping blush with the back of his hand, “No kissing and no sex. Hugs are fine.”

Mark pouts his lips at that. “What are you? 12? What’s with the no kissing rule?”

“Well…” he could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks. “I haven’t really kissed someone before and I want my firsts to be real and not to be all fake.”

The other boy’s eyes widens in realization, eyes softening as he pats Jaebum at the back.

“I’m sorry. Okay. Let’s leave the heavy physical shit out of this relationship.” Mark relents, sighing in defeat though when he realized their predicament, saying, “But, Jaebum, you have to give me something here. No one would even identify us as a couple if we wouldn’t be at least intimate.”

Jaebum hums in approval, now sitting in front of Mark and resting his elbows on top of the table. He rakes his brain for a good alternative, his mind landing on a certain intimacy he grew up seeing from his parents.

“We can… eskimo kiss?”

“Eskimo kiss?” Mark asks, looking like a kid with his head titlted at the side.

“Do you… wanna try?” Mark nods, scooting closer to Jaebum when he motioned for him to move closer. The latter carefully touches the boy’s soft skin for the first time, cupping Mark’s cheeks in both of his hands, mindful of how smooth and soft it is before letting his forehead touch the other.

“You put your face close together like this,” he whispers, voice low and breathless. Slowly, Jaebum lets the tip of his nose kiss Mark’s, making their hot breaths mingle together, fluttering in their faces like feather kisses. Jaebum gazes at Mark’s eyes then, being a little bit cross eyed with the proximity as he starts to move his head from side to side. “And then while you let your noses touch like this, you nuzzle them together.”

Mark giggles then, hands now grasping Jaebum’s wrists when he started to feel silly kissing his nose with another person for the first time. He closes his eyes and continuously nuzzles Jaebum’s nose more, earning even more adorable giggles to fill the latter’s ears. They did it a few more times before perfecting the move, making it look natural for the both of them.

“Okay?” Jaebum asks after they parted, a bit breathless from trying not to blow his breath in Mark’s face before.

The other boy nods his head enthusiastically, still giggling from excitement and glee, saying, “You know? I like that better than actual kissing.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks nonchalantly, fighting the urge to beam into a bright smile.

Mark nods his head again. Jaebum would deny that it made his heart skip a beat.

***

They ended with about 7 Rules made:

1\. Mark and Jaebum should always eskimo kiss in public, especially if Gab is around.  
2\. Jaebum should wait for and pick up Mark at least twice a week after classes and Mark should drive Jaebum and his little brother home.  
3\. Jaebum will go to parties with Mark. Mark will have to attend family functions if ever Jaebum needs him to.  
4\. Jaebum should make Mark’s photo his wallpaper and vice versa.  
5\. Mark and Jaebum would always be honest with each other.  
6\. No snitching! But Jinyoung and Jackson are exempted.  
7\. Jaebum would come with Mark to the SKI trip on Winter break with his friends.

“So when’s the wedding again?” Mark asks, slipping out of the table as he prepares to leave. They have both formally sealed the deal with their signatures and Jaebum’s now neatly placing his music notebook in his bag, looking up at Mark who’s now standing up and towering over him.

“This Sunday at 5PM. I would have like to pick you up but… I couldn’t drive well,” he mumbles shyly, his awkward nature kicking back now that he’s parting with the other boy.

Mark shakes his head while smiling brightly. “Don’t worry. I got this. See you tomorrow?”

“Yes. See you!” Jaebum responds, an awkward smile gracing his lips as he waves at the other. It was when he could no longer see Mark that he gives himself a light slap in the face, making sure that he wasn’t dreaming and that it was real.

Because holy shit, he’s just agreed to fake date Mark Tuan.

***

The two boys decided to start their fake dating the very next day. Mark reminding that it’s better to start early so come Sunday, they would be natural in front of Jaebum’s relatives. 

Jaebum is now sitting quietly at The Tree, an accessible place near the field where almost everyone’s hanging out after or in between classes. It’s a strategic place to sit and wait for Mark; because he will look inconspicuous but at the same time obvious when the other boy walks up to him.

The whole night, Jaebum tossed and turned in bed, caused by the mixture of nervousness and if he’ll be honest, excitement. He didn’t know how this whole sham would go, if he could even convince one soul that he’s actually dating someone, given his awkwardness and lack of finesse in talking to strangers. But seeing how Mark is with his social circle, Jaebum could only hope the other boy’s enough to hard carry this thing for the both of them.

“You’ve been waiting here long?” Jaebum finally hears the deep familiar voice asks him while he’s elbows deep in his messy thoughts. Like a déjà vu from yesterday, he looks up and sees Mark standing in front of him, his usual skinny jeans and oversized shirt gracing his lithe frame. Instead of hiding his head with a baseball cap, today the other boy opted to leave it alone, his brown hair looking soft under the sunrays of the late afternoon. Jaebum gawks at him some more before Mark breaks his stupor when he steps into his space.

“Hey. You okay?” A delicate hand has now been placed on his shoulder, its warmth soothing the under current of nervousness in his system.

He then shakes his head slightly, hoping it’ll be enough to get him out of this first hand situation without embarrassing himself, “Yeah, I was just thinking. Sorry.”

“T’is okay,” Mark replies, giving him a small smile while he snakes his arms around Jaebum’s neck and sitting carefully on his lap. “This is okay right? Not too much for you?” Mark whispers, gazing deeply in his eyes for confirmation. Jaebum quietly nods, too afraid to speak because he thinks his voice will crack from too much nerves.

He could feel all of Mark flushed against his body, the other boy’s warmth and softness an all new concept that he haven’t really experienced before. He could smell Mark’s faint perfume and a little wiff of his mentol shampoo. It’s all too consuming, making him a little bit lightheaded. “Jaebum, look, I know you’re still new to this thing but I need my eskimo kiss now. Gab’s at your 3 o’ clock and I guess he’s looking at us.”

Jaebum stealthly eyes the direction Mark gave and saw the other boy’s ex boyfriend sitting with his friends. He’s gazing at them oddly, confusion etched on his face. He’s probably wondering what his ex boyfriend’s doing with a mere student from another department.

Trying to be quick on his feet, Jaebum clumsily leans up towards Mark, being a bit unable to calculate the distance since he didn’t know that the other boy would also lean towards his space, causing their lips to graze accidentally before he could even do a proper eskimo kiss. Whatever they practiced yesterday had been forgotten the moment his lips touched Mark’s. He didn’t know who actually gasps, if it was him, Mark or another person but he forgets all of his senses, when he actually feels the lingering jolt of electricity from the incident.

Having his mind short circuit with the need to feel it again, Jaebum threw his propriety and holds the other boy’s neck to bring back towards his lips, enveloping it’s softness with his clumsy ones.

It wasn’t like what he heard from the movies—there were no fireworks, no explosions and angels singing, it was just a tingling feeling that runs through his lips and onto his veins, making him feel alive. He tunes out his surroundings, forgetting they have an audience and that they were just pretending. Jaebum, with what his messy brain could formulate at that time, lived in the moment and revel in Mark’s expert lips; who’s now taking the reins, knowing full well that Jaebum needs help. It was probably a full minute that they made out in front of the crowd, his hands ending around Mark’s slim waist while the latter plays the hair at his nape.

They were breathless when they parted, cheeks flushed and eyes dilated. They shyly stared at each other for a while, before Mark breaks it by saying, “Is it a breach of contract that we went beyond Rule 1?”

The latter had to blink to move out of the haze in his head, breaking into a smile because he could see Mark’s lips, red and swollen from kissing him.

I did that, he thinks, a sense of pride blooming in his chest for achieving something so mundane. He shakes his head now, a glint of determination in his eyes.

“No,” he breathes, voice deep and surprisingly steady. “No, let’s make an amendment and limit it to one kissing in a week. I might even learn from this.”

Mark laughs at that, his adorable giggles hitting Jaebum’s fragile ego, coaxing it and making him revel from it more. The former gives him a hug and pecks his cheeks, standing up and motioning for him to follow.

“Now let’s fetch your little brother. We have to complete Rule 2.”

***

To say Jaebum was a nervous mess on Sunday morning was an understatement. From the moment he woke up, he’s already jittery, almost pouring hot water on his hand and slipping and hitting his head on the bathroom floor. He’s too paranoid that people will call him out on his bluff—immediately realize that his relationship with Mark Tuan is a very obvious lie.

He remembers when Bambam eyes both of them the other day, his keen and wise eyes studying Mark when they hopped in his car.

The latter’s eyes were caught by the small bottle of yogurt in the boy’s hand, quizzically side eyeing Jaebum over at the passenger side.

“Jaebum, what’s that?” he asks.

“This is an Asian yogurt drink both hyung and I grew up drinking,” his brother sassily answers, his annoying voice filling the enclosed space. “And my name, thank you for asking, is Im Bambam, Double B to my friends, Bammie to my family… You—can call me Bambam.”

“Yes, sir,” Mark mumbles, facing Jaebum with an incredulous expression plastered on his face. “He’s feisty,” he mouths, making the latter chuckle in agreement.

In the midst of putting their seatbelts across their bodies, Bambam breaks the silence when his curiousity finally got the best of him. “So…” the boy mutters, eyeing both of the older boys from his side of the car. “How did you know my brother again?”

“Uhm,” Mark trails off, looking behind and smiling at the younger boy. “I guess… I’m your brother’s boyfriend.”

Jaebum, who by that time was about to take a sip of his water, almost sprayed it on the dashboard. He was shocked at how casual and natural Mark made it sound like, as if it was real and they weren’t pretending. He hears his brother gasp behind, a glint of mischievousness brewing in his eyes. Whatever teasing he was about to throw at Jaebum got blocked though when Mark asked if he could have one of his yogurt drinks.

“Wow! This is actually pretty good!” Mark exclaims, eyes turning into moon crescents as he beams at Bambam. “Say, what would I have to do to get one of these again tomorrow?”

“You will drive us again?” the younger boy asks, excitement coloring his eyes like a kid on a candy store. Without too much of a pause he quickly shrugs his shoulders and smiled brightly at the older boy. “Okay, you can definitely call me Bammie!”

Mark glances at Jaebum again, the older boy’s expression smug and confident before pulling up the curb going to the highway.

That was four days ago and it has been days that Bambam started feeding their relatives information about how cool Jaebum’s boyfriend is on Facebook. If Jaebum would be given the option to decide, he would have wanted Mark’s existence to only be known on the wedding and not before the wedding. But he couldn’t help it if his little brother, the little rat that he is, couldn’t keep his mouth shut for one second, especially if Jaebum is concerned.

Now everyone’s probably expecting Mark at the wedding, their eyes going to zero in on them, making sure to criticize his boyfriend for anything he’ll say or do.

Now the said boyfriend is beside him in the car, driving them to the venue looking like the epitome of calm in his simple suit that hugs him in all the right places. Meanwhile, Jaebum fidgets in his clothes, the shirt he chose for today closing on his throat. He looked at his phone for the nth time, a nervous tick he realized he had when this day has started.

“Seriously, Jaebum. You don’t have to be so nervous. We’ve been doing this for four days now and so far we’ve gotten everyone believing that we’re actually dating,” Mark admonishes, swatting Jaebum’s hands that are starting to undo the buttons of his shirt again. “What are you so nervous about?”

“Nothing,” he mutters, feeling anything but.

Mark shakes his head in exasperation, just eyeing him from his side, sighing when Jaebum repeats the motion of buttoning up his shirt and looking at his phone once again.

Arriving at the venue, the two boys decided it’ll be best to be seen walking hand in hand since it will show that they are established with their relationship but not too public with their display of affection. Mark could feel the tremors in the other boy’s hand but chose not comment on it, in the hopes that it will pass once they have been through the first half of the night.

Now walking towards the hall of the wedding ceremony, Jaebum’s nervousness is palpable, almost like he’ll have a heart attack. His forehead starts to break in sweat while his breathing comes in short pants. It was when he finally saw a familiar smiling face greeting the guests, that everything in his resolve crumbled down. Jaebum completely halts in his step, going rigid in his place, causing Mark to be pulled back as well.

“What’s wrong?” the latter asks, confused as to why Jaebum stops, glancing with a genuine concern etched on his beautiful face.

Jaebum merely gawks at him, mouth unable to speak from the shock of seeing Ok Taecyeon again after hiding from him a month ago. He thought seeing him again with a person to call his boyfriend (even though a fake one) by his side, would make the interaction easier to handle. But he was wrong, because seeing your first love, which you wrote probably a bunch of love letters disguised as songs to is still hard to ever handle… and very humiliating.

He really should have murdered Bambam, it would have eased the shame.

“Hey, Jaebum. What’s wrong? You looked like you will pass out.” Mark steps into his line of vision now, staring at his eyes that were frantically looking around for escape.

Where’s the bathroom? he thinks, knowing it’ll be the closest he could hide from him. 

I think i’m going to throw up. This is so embarrassing! How could I face him this time? Did he think I’m weird? Was he disgusted by me? Would he still smile brightly like that once he sees me?

He was pulled out from his budding hysteria when he feels his cheeks being cupped by warm delicate hands, the soothing voice of Mark trying to break up the chaos in his mind. He feels the other boy’s forehead bumping lightly against his, their noses kissing like that first time they practiced how to eskimo kiss.

“Shh… I’m here, come on, come back,” he could hear him whispering, calming his nerves and making him remember to breathe in deep through his nose. “That’s right, breathe, Jaebum. I’m here. Now exhale to your mouth. There you go.”

It probably took a few minutes to actually calm him down, Mark keeping him in his arms, letting their breaths mingle as he coax the younger boy to relax. When Jaebum feels his heart return to its steady beating, he finally steps back from the older boy’s embrace, cheeks blushing now from a different kind of embarrassment.

“Th-Thanks,” he whispers, squeezing Mark’s hands that stayed holding his arm. He glances back at the entrance of the ceremony hall, thankful and relieved that the cause of his minor panic attack’s no longer there.

Less problem to deal with… for now, he muses quietly.

He then carefully glances towards Mark again and sees the latter’s clear eyes examining him quietly under his long lashes. Jaebum lets out a deep sigh, knowing full well that the other boy needs some explanation or else they won’t be able to enter the ceremony hall without Jaebum making a fool of himself the second time.

At least if he did, Mark would be more intuned as to why he’s like that.

“I’m sorry if I freaked out but it’s just that,” Another sigh. “The guy I used to have a huge crush on is inside, he’s the groom’s best man and we were very close friends growing up,” he starts to say, voice too soft and delicate. He could feel Mark’s hand rubbing his arm, a silent encouragement he takes willingly.

“I used to… write songs and music since I was a kid, it’s my hobby, my sort of release from all the stress. One time, when I was still in high school, I thought of actually writing a song for him. At that time, I thought it was a good idea, you know? Collecting almost an album worth of songs dedicated all for him and my secret feelings I couldn’t tell when we’re together…”

Jaebum swallows the embarrassment when the flashbacks came back to his mind in vivid colors; the times he felt giddy when he managed to complete songs about his Taecyeon hyung.

“What’s so bad about that?” Mark ask, puzzled. “I find it quite romantic, to be honest.”

“It is… if I was ready to actually lay it all down in front of him. If it was actually me who let him read those words I weaved for him together but no… my stupid brother had become revengeful when I refused to let him tag along to this concert I went to. He rummaged through my things and addressed all of my song sheets to Taecyeon hyung and had my friendship with him ruined forever.” 

Jaebum longingly lingers his gaze at the spot his first love was formerly standing on, regretting his poor choices and missing hanging out with him. “Since then I have never talked to him again because I was afraid of how it’s going to be for the both of us from here on.”

Mark squeezes his arm. “So, you really have no plans of talking to him to clear things between you two?”

“I’m not really prepared to see pity from his eyes. And it would also kill me if he takes my feelings seriously because I know Taecyeon hyung, he’s so kind to the point that he’ll sacrifice his own happiness to accommodate my childish feelings.”

“But… what if he feels the same way that you do? You never thought of that?”

Jaebum chuckles. “Taecyeon hyung is straight and he’s been dating this girl for eight years now.”

“Oh… I see,” Mark mumbles, nibbling his lower lip now. “So, you needing a pretend boyfriend isn’t really because of your aunt… but because of your Taecyeon hyung?”

Jaebum shrugs dejectedly. “No? Yes? Maybe? I don’t know. To be honest, I am really sick of having to follow my aunt’s weird logic but dating her friends’ daughters are easy. I can do it because I got so used to it. But seeing Taecyeon after the whole revealing my feelings fiasco a month ago? I definitely need someone to drag along my side to show him that whatever truth he read from those songs are no longer relevant. I need a human shield to keep him away from me throughout the wedding.”

Gazing back at Mark, Jaebum forces a smile, “Sorry. It sounds very callous.”

“Don’t be. We had an agreement and whatever reasons you have shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem…” Mark replies, clapping his hands once in determination as his eyes glint mischievously. “But okay, now, I may not look like I’m enough as a human shield—why are you laughing? Look at yourself, I’m half your size!” Rolling his eyes, Mark playfully punches Jaebum’s shoulder in frustration. “But kidding aside, I can try to keep you away from him if that’s what you really want?” he suggests, an encouraging smile gracing his lips. The younger boy smiles back at him, nodding his head in appreciation for the small gesture of kindness the other boy has shown.

Mark dramatically offers his hand in front of Jaebum then, extending it for the latter to take. It caused the younger to chuckle involuntarily, clasping the offered hand with his sweaty ones, letting Mark lead the way for the both of them to be thrown straight into hell that is Jaebum’s family. They shared a knowing look before the latter bravely steps in the ceremony hall, eyes focused on the former’s beautiful face.

“Let’s get it,” says Mark, his face determined as curious eyes finally landed on them.

***

The whole wedding passed by without another record of hitch happening between them. Mark has been very attentive to him, following with his promise of steering him away whenever the older boy would notice his Taecyeon hyung around. And like in University, the two boys were a natural with their skinship and private conversations which convinced everyone with their charade. 

Jaebum’s relatives were impressed by his choice of a boyfriend, praises about Mark’s perfection were continuously coming all throughout the event. His aunts and uncles were saying Jaebum’s extremely lucky, because not only is Mark extremely goodlooking, he’s also very polite and amiable. He easily captured his Aunt Miyoung’s heart when he mentioned that he’s taking in Fashion and Design and was hoping to be part of New York Fashion Week for his internship next Summer. From then on, Jaebum’s aunt seemed to forget all about the girls she’s been throwing and shoving in her nephew’s face, eyes now zeroing on Mark and only him. 

As for Jaebum’s stepdad, Mr. Im just easily welcomed Mark in his own silent way. His easy smiles and quiet disposition enough gesture of appreciation for the younger’s presence. For someone not really blood related, Mr. Im and Jaebum were so alike in their personalities that it surprises people sometimes when they find out that they really aren’t father and son. Jaebum’s mom used to joke that Jaebum idolized his stepdad so much when he was a kid that he became just like him.

Well, it’s not like Jaebum is complaining being like his stepdad. The man is the epitome of a respectable man—taking in a woman recently divorced, without any substantial amount of money and only a 3 year old son clasped in her hand. He has seen his stepdad loved his mother deeply. The way his eyes would have that twinkle when he looks at her and the way it has dimmed when she died.

He saw true love and hoped that someday he could have his own version of it.

***

“It’s really working,” Mark gushes as they finished off the last piece of fries on the plate they shared. It is a Wednesday night and they just got out off the party Mark’s friend, Randy, threw. They left early when the older suddenly craved for fries and ice cream, whining that Gab kept on ignoring him the whole night.

Jaebum glances at him quickly and tilts his head to the side as if saying, What is?

Mark rolls his eyes at him and shows his cellphone screen, now on the Messaging app that’s filled with texts all coming from his ex boyfriend, Gab.

“See? He’s been driving me crazy lately! Like he’s blasting my phone since last week when he saw us kissed at the field. But when I’m around, he’s completely giving me the cold shoulder.”

“Well, have you been responding to his texts?” Jaebum asks carefully, feeling odd at the heavy feeling settling in his chest as he takes a sip of his soda. 

Mark shrugs his shoulder in a lame attempt to look nonchalant but Jaebum has been attuned to his mannerisms for a while now that he could see the bluff as soon as the other boy used it.

“Nope. But maybe I will just call him later once I get home.”

Jaebum’s brows rise from disbelief, unable to stop himself when he asks, “Oh, so you still call your ex boyfriend on the phone?”

“Well…” Mark trails off, averting his eyes from the younger now and choosing to play with his straw. “Not as much as we used to but yeah, I still do sometimes.”

Jaebum couldn’t understand why that tiny bit of information pissed him off, so he chooses to let his silence fill in the void of what the other boy just mentioned instead. The said boy gazes up at him then, gasping in equal disbelief when he saw whatever expression Jaebum has made.

“What?” he asks defensively, eyes narrowing into slits as he points accusingly at the younger. 

“Hmm?”

“You do this thing! You have the judgy face going on. What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!” he lies.

But it didn’t convince Mark, the older stares at him hard until he finally cracks.

“Well, I guess it’s just weird that you still talk to your ex on the phone when you guys have already broken up because he cheated on you. Mark, it’s not healthy,” the younger blurts honestly, choosing to be real with his friend since he seems to be needing the reality check.

Mark chuckles good heartedly. “And you’re suddenly the expert? You never even had a boyfriend before!” That causes Jaebum to hold out his index finger.

“And you, sir, only had one boyfriend and you’re obviously obsessed with him. So, that doesn’t necessarily make you an expert either,” he counters, smiling when the older boy rolls his eyes in contemplation.

“I am not obsessed with him! I’m chill.”

Jaebum’s eyes widens in mock surprise, he even gasps to piss the other boy even more.

“Pretends to be shocked,” he murmurs, earning a slap on the shoulder by Mark. “Okay, okay, stop hitting me… how about this… prove it that you’re not obsessed with him—how about you don’t call Gab tonight?”

Mark holds out his finger to Jaebum’s direction again, shaking his head in exasperation. “You know, for someone who’s so quiet, you are very opinionated.”

“I am just telling the truth,” Jaebum answers back. “And it looks like no one has been honest with you before.”

“Okay,” Mark acquisces, a hint of challenge now glinting in his eyes. “Be honest with me then: why don’t you still have a boyfriend? It’s been years that you have realized you liked guys. Your family, except for your aunt has issues with your sexuality, accepts you for who you are. So, what’s holding you back?”

“Because… no one liked me like that before,” he mutters, the question throwing him off the wall and making him retreat back to his shell.

The older boy didn’t take his answer in stride though, shaking his head in disagreement that makes Jaebum a bit puzzled by the reaction.

“Lies! Those are lies, I know that it isn’t true because I am friends with Lorenzo Choi and I know that he asked you to go out with him twice and you turned him down.”

“Wow! You keeping tabs on me?”

“You see?” Mark points out, exasperation obvious in his voice. “You’re changing the subject, turning this thing back to me. Look, you have to be honest because I have been to you. We’re friends, right?”

Jaebum sighs in defeat by then, turning quiet for a few minutes while he composes himself. Mark on the other hand watches him closely, noting how the younger silently debates if he would be honest or not. After what seems to be an eternity of contemplation, Jaebum glances up to him determinedly.

“Okay, for me, love and dating—they’re beautiful. They’re probably nice to experience, since you guys would be sharing moments and certain feelings together. You’ll feel giddy whenever you guys are together and miss that person when he’s not there …”

“But?” Mark prompts, waiting for him to continue.

“But it makes you vulnerable and so open for pain. I realized that the more people you let walk into your life, the more chances there is for you to get hurt.”

Mark looks at him sympathetically. “And you’re scared of that?” Jaebum merely nods, throat now clogging up from mixed emotions swirling in his chest. “Is it because of your mom?”

He nods again, forcing a smile the seems to fall into a grimace. “It’s just… I grew up seeing them hopelessly in love with each other. She and my stepdad, I mean. And when she died, Appa was just devastated, he looked so torn everytime she’ll be part of conversations and that... that scares me the most. I’m not as brave as he is. I can’t see myself enduring that painful situation.”

Another long pause has fallen between the two of them, Jaebum now shredding tissue papers idly while Mark’s fidgeting with his phone to pass time. It was a bit quiet in the Corner Café, save it for the sound of some indie band softly playing in the background. Jaebum sneaks a glance at Mark, noting how his features were complimented by the warm lights and neon signage of the café. The younger couldn’t help but feel a flush creeping in, now that the older knows about his insecurities, partially regretting his decision to tell him his inner thoughts. Yet it feels… lighter, somehow, opening up his feelings, at least to one person. As if on cue, it was then that Mark decides to gaze back at him, giving him a small smile as he hesitantly clasps their hands together, squeezing it to show his silent understanding and support.

And for Jaebum, it feels like the other just held out his hands towards his soul, touching it and coaxing him out of his shell. Jaebum doesn’t know if it was a good thing or not, but he’s terribly and magnificently terrified.

***

Mark and Jaebum continued their pretend relationship and it has now hit their 2nd month being together. People around them have become so accustomed to their relationship that they would ask Mark about Jaebum and Jaebum would be asked about Mark. It’s like they were known to be attached by the hip, no longer two different people but one.

Jaebum got closer to some of Mark’s friends, even getting along with his best friend Jackson, who seemed to swallow a huge pill of vitamins for being such a ball of energy. Jaebum also introduced Mark to his best friend, Jinyoung. His best friend almost ruining the moment by telling the older boy Jaebum’s embarrasing stories from high school.

There were days, wherein Mark would just show up in his doorstep, bringing in popcorn and a bunch of movies from the 80s. Sometimes the older would even invite Bambam to watch it with them, his younger brother getting more and more attached to his Mark hyung, like Jaebum getting attached to the older but in his case, deeper and more dangerous.

There were times that Jaebum wishes everything was real and not pretend so it wouldn’t be too hard for him. It wouldn’t be hard to cling unto Mark without wishing his smiles were real and not for them to look convincing to the public. It wouldn’t be hard to laugh at the older boy’s lame puns because he’s not always reminding himself at the back of his mind not to get used to hearing it because this could end soon.

It wouldn’t be hard to act nonchalant when all he wanted to do is just to bury his nose to Mark’s hair whilst whispering, I like you.

Jaebum would sometimes stare at Mark and try to figure out if he feels the same, or if there’s a sliver of hope for the both of them. But the older boy stayed the same, he’s still kind and thoughtful, attentive when Jaebum needs him to lead for the both of them. However, those things he does for Jaebum, except for the kisses, he also does to everyone else.

There’s nothing special with his lot in Mark’s life because the older boy treats their setup as it should be—no strings attached and totally mechanical.

And Jaebum wishes he could be like that too, he wishes he could treat this as clean and emotion-free as possible.

Too bad he’s just not cut out for it though.

***

“I’m so bored, Jaebum,” Mark grumbles, head resting on Jaebum’s lap while they’re lounging at the field together with Jinyoung. It is a free time for all three of them, so Jaebum suggested they hang out at the field together. He won’t admit it aloud but his true intention is that so he could be more intimate with Mark since being put in the public eye requires PDA and he’s into being close to the older boy, even though it would only be pretend.

“Just take a nap. Didn’t you say you’re sleepy?” he says, feigning nonchalance as he flips to a new page of the book he’s trying to read.

Mark pouts at that and snatches the book away from the younger boy. “You invited me here but instead you’re reading that book?”

Jaebum stares at him, puzzled. “What’s wrong with that? I am even letting you take a nap because you kept on texting me that you’re sleepy and bored the whole morning.”

“But I am no longer sleepy!” the older whines, resting his forehead on Jaebum’s chest, making the latter’s heart skip a beat from the suddeness of his pretend-boyfriend’s actions. In this position, he could smell Mark closely, and it was hard not to grab his nape and pull him tighter against him.

“What do you want to do then?” he asks, voice tight.

Mark chooses that time to glance up at him, his chin now digging at his collar bones, lips so, so close to his.

“Talk to me,” he muses, smiling mischievously at him. “Or let us go into a drive! I am in a mood to go to the beach tonight—”

Jaebum is trying his best to listen to Mark and his suggestions, however, the more time the latter speaks, the stronger his urge to take his lips becomes urgent. He could feel his sweat starting to form at his forehead and the back of his neck. He’s trying blame it on the sun but it’s impossible since they’re under the tree’s sufficient shade. He glances at his bestfriend Jinyoung and sees his friend’s coy smile, the other boy probably knowing exactly what he’s thinking about.

He has to get out of Mark’s space to avoid making a fool of himself. Yet with all his subtle ways of shrugging the older boy out of his perimeters, the other stayed glued close to him, his glistening lips slowly pulling him in.

“I also like some ice cream. We could go and have some at—”

Whatever it is that Mark wants to say was cut off when Jaebum finally grabs the former’s nape to fit his lips onto his. He just couldn’t help it anymore since the older boy’s lips are too tempting, especially in a distance just like this.

It wasn’t like how Jaebum kisses him before, this time it was more needy, more demanding and more dominating. He continued to coax Mark’s lips apart, letting their breaths catch as they made out like there were actual feelings growing between them.

Jaebum finally lets him go when he realizes that it’s only him harboring feelings for the other boy.

“Sorry,” he mutters shyly, luckily catching a glimpse of Mark’s ex coming out of the building. “I just saw Gab over there and thought it was a good way to make him jealous. You’re not mad are you?”

Jaebum expected Mark to smile brightly or compliment him for his quick mindedness, but what he did not expect was the way his face fallen into a grimace and how had he suddenly bites his lower lip.

“You okay?” he asks immediately, feeling like crap for no reason.

“Yes!” the other boy says, a tad bit harsh for his liking. Before Jaebum could even utter another question, Mark immediately stands up and dusts off his jeans. He takes all of his things and starts to walk away. “Sorry, have to go. Bye, Jinyoung… JB.”

Flabbergasted, Jaebum has no choice but to wave his hand goodbye to the older boy. He didn’t understand why he had to go like that and he also couldn’t get why Mark had to look like he was about to cry. Isn’t it what he wanted, to make Gab jealous? Is Jaebum doing a shitty job at it? And did he just call him JB?

He glances over at Jinyoung again, shocked that even his friend is giving him the same look albeit more disappointed.

“You’re such an idiot!” the younger boy says, shaking his head in disbelief, as he also dusts off his neatly pressed khaki pants.

“Why? What did I do?” Jaebum asks dumbly, still not understanding why his two friends were acting that way.

Jinyoung gives him another exasperated look before knocking his head in frustration. “Hyung! Use this sometimes. You’re so fucking blind, you’re annoying the heck out of me!”

“What? I panicked so I told him it was because of Gab!” he rambles, still not understanding what’s happening.

“I can’t believe it! You’re such a moron!” And with that last statement, Jinyoung walks away as well, leaving Jaebum in the field, under the shade of a big tree, looking as puzzled as he will ever be.

***

“You know, avoiding Jaebum like this is stupid and childish. Why don’t you just end it if you’re going to be a goddamn coward?” Jackson tells Mark frankly, his eyes rolling in exasperation while his friend shuts his eyes in defeat. “The poor guy doesn’t deserve this autrotious behavior, Mark.”

The said boy is at the third day of avoiding meeting Jaebum and he’s feeling all sorts of mixed emotions. He’s equal parts guilty, sad, deprived of his cute fake-boyfriend’s eye smile and relieved.

He wanted to see Jaebum but he also doesn’t know how to approach him now that he’s feeling that something has changed between him and the other boy.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They have talked about it, they made sure, from the on set of the situation that they wouldn’t mix in feelings with whatever this is. But Mark, the idiot that he is, managed to fall in love for Jaebum in a matter of a month.

Now, to distance himself from the unwanted feelings, he figured that he has to run away from the root cause—Jaebum. Mark could have just been honest, but right now he doesn’t know how to face the other boy because of the pain he feels in his chest whenever he sees him. It also doesn’t help that he still feels hurt by the reality that Jaebum only sees their setup as temporary and not a springboard for love.

“What can I do?” he asks Jackson, eyes turning misty and forlorn as he remembers what happened three days ago. “How can I tell him that I got seriously hurt when he kissed me in the field, getting me all riled up and hoping he could also like me back but then getting slammed back in when he mentioned that Gab was just there, so he thought we could make him jealous?”

The way Jaebum kissed him that day felt so different from the hesitant way he’s used to. The younger boy grabbed his nape and managed to coax his lips apart, sucking his breath out of his lungs by how surprising and how uncharacteristically he’s kissing Mark in public. It left the older boy believing that maybe Jaebum and he could be more, could move from being pretend to actual boyfriends. But Jaebum had to ruin that by whispering, “Sorry, I just saw Gab over there and thought it was a good way to make him jealous. You’re not mad are you?”

“Why? Isn’t that what you want?” Jackson counters back, bringing back Mark to the present, rendering him speechless because yes, that was what he wanted—before.

Before he caught feelings and fell for the younger boy.

He sighs defeatedly again, throwing his body at Jackson’s tiny dormroom bed, creasing the covers as he rolls around it.

“Yes. But that was before I fell in love with Jaebum and hoped for better things!”

“Then what are you doing here whining like a kid?” Jackson mutters, shaking his head in annoyance when he sees the damage Mark made to his bed. “You know, if you really cherish the guy, leave my bed alone and go to him. Tell your feelings like a man instead of thowing a temper tantrum and using my space as a sacrifice.”

“You’re so mean to me, Jacks!” Mark whines, proving Jackson’s point at that moment when he threw the pillows on the floor.

“Look, be serious with me. Do you really love him? Like, this isn’t another Gab situation going on?”

At Jackson’s words, Mark instantly rises from the bed and glares at him.

“Jaebum isn’t like Gab! He’s the total opposite of him.”

“Is he now? So why are you treating him like you would with Gab?”

Mark glares at his friend. “I am not treating him like I would with that guy! What we have is so different.”

“Oh yeah? Then stop doing this whole chase thing with Jaebum because it’s what you and your ex had been doing for the past 2 years,” Jackson pulls on Mark’s hoodie, motioning him to look in his eyes properly. “Look, I have always been understanding with your relationship with Gab, Mark. But goddamnit, man, that’s a stalemate from the start. Don’t do the same mistakes you had with him to Jaebum.”

“I am not doing… that to him,” Mark mutters lamely, realizing his actions when his friend’s eyes hardens for emphasis.

“Don’t be stupid, Mark. You can always call this thing off but you stay because it’s easier pretending than making it official. If that isn’t another version of chasing then I don’t know what is.”

“I just can’t find the right time to tell him, okay?”

“Yeah, I mean how could you when you’re avoiding him, right?”

“I just don’t want to look like a fool, okay?” Mark suddenly bursts out, frustrated with his suppressed feelings for the other boy he’s not sure he’s willing to ever confess.

“Everyone looks like fool when they’re in love, Marky,” Jackson starts to say after a moment of silence. His voice sounds surprisingly melancholic for someone who jokes all the time. “It’s just a matter of letting the person you love see that they are worth making yourself look like a fool to. Jaebum might not feel the same way you do for him or maybe he could. But you wouldn’t know if you won’t take a leap of faith. By the end of the day, it’s you and him who could work this out, man. Please don’t let yourself have regrets about this for the rest of your already miserable life.”

That did it for him, Mark springs up from Jackson’s bed and hugs his best friend in silent gratitude.

“Whoa! I didn’t know you have this side in you, Jacks!” he tells him as he gathers his things in his bag.

“Your trust in my maturity is too little, Tuan. You should realize that I’m actually pretty wise for my age.”

“Or you could have just gotten that shit from one of those Netflix series you watch,” Mark counters, playfully punching his friend’s chest.

Jackson lets out his hyena laugh. “Or that too!”

Mark shakes his head at that before he runs towards the front door, heart opened and clear now that his friend smacked some sense into his overly densed brain. Before he leaves though, he gives Jackson a friendly punch on the chest again, throwing a Thank you, over his shoulders as he rushes over to Jaebum’s building.

Throughout his run, Mark thought about what he’ll say, what he’ll do to show Jaebum how serious he is about him. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen and he’s immensely terrified of that, but Mark realized that he doesn’t care anymore. He’s ready to love Jaebum with however chance there would be.

Here goes nothing, he thinks, all the while smiling.

As if sensing where Jaebum would exactly be, Mark was able to spot him as soon as he stepped on the Arts Building. The younger boy is standing near the wide windows that overlook the gardens, which is now dotted with falling leaves as it is almost autumn.

Mark was about to call the younger boy to catch his attention, but an arm wrapped around the latter’s body stopped him from coming closer. Mark has seen the guy once, during the wedding when he’s trying to keep him away from Jaebum. He may have seen Ok Taecyeon once, but his face was too memorable for him to forget, especially when it was the face of his love’s first love. 

The older boy notes how Jaebum and Taecyeon looked perfect and at home together. They are natural in their closeness and seem to be mutual with their feelings. Everything he rehearsed as he runs towards here flies away with the gust of wind hitting his back.

Suddenly understanding the air of tension between the two males standing a few feet away from him, Mark realizes that he had already lost Jaebum for good. Too bad, that he understood his feelings a little too late.

Mark then decides to leave, swallowing his pride that has been crushed and devastated once again.

At least now, he’ll actually know where to stand.

He would let go and end this with Jaebum now.

***

“Thank you for letting me clear things out, hyung,” Jaebum mumbles, shy but no longer ashamed now that he came clean with Taecyeon. He finally talked to him, clarified his untold feelings because he realized it is the first step he needs to do to pave a clear slate with Mark, that is if there is even a chance for the two of them in the future.

The older man chuckles goodnaturedly, kissing his temple in adoration before pinching his cheek playfully. “You’re so cute. Running away from me just because you can’t tell your feelings in person.”

“Hyung,” Jaebum whines, embarrassment coming back in full force which the older laughs at.

“I’m kidding! I’m just happy we’re good now. I miss you, you know?”

Jaebum smugly shrugs his shoulders, earning a scoff from Taecyeon.

“How are you and Mark though? I heard from your brother that he’s been treating you well. Does he really?”

“Yes,” Jaebum, says, nodding his head for emphasis, smiling brightly when he remembered how attentive his pretend-boyfriend is and pouting when he realizes that it has been days since he last seen Mark. “He takes care of me so well. He’s so good to me.”

Taecyeon chuckles again, eyes examining Jaebum’s face closely. “So when did you actually fell in love with him?”

“W-What?” Jaebum sputters in panic, blushing profusely by the question. He averts his eyes now, opting to gaze out of the gardens and watch the leaves falling. He could feel the older man’s eyes on him though, trailing his movements like a hawk. He sighs in defeat and glances back at his hyung. “Just recently.”

“Aye! You’re so cute to even pretend not to know the answer to my question.”

“Because it’s too sudden!” Jaebum whines, pouting when Taecyeon chuckles at him.

“Okay, okay. But does he know yet?” Jaebum shakes his head in response. “What? Why? Why don’t you tell him already? What’s holding you back?”

Jaebum shrugs, not really knowing what to tell Taecyeon since he couldn’t really tell the older man that he’s just pretending to be Mark’s boyfriend. And whatever feelings he has harbored was not part of the deal and should only be kept on his end.

“I just… I’m not sure if he feels the same way.”

“He’s your boyfriend, Jaebum and he’s staying with you so I’m sure he does.”

Jaebum purses his lips together, shrugging when he could no longer figure what to say to his hyung that wouldn’t reveal all of his secrets.

“It seems to be complicated, huh?” Taecyeon says, his wise eyes gazing at the younger’s face. Chuckling, he sighs and pats Jaebum’s head adoringly. “Whatever it is, I hope you sort it out soon. Just make sure that you won’t have any regrets. Okay?”

“Okay, hyung,” he mutters under his breath, feeling a bit lighter now that he was able to fix one loose end in his life.

“Anyway, I have to go now. I still have to pick up Suzy from the airport.” Jaebum smiles at him then, nodding his head as he lets the older man give him a tight hug before finally heading towards the exit.

Jaebum was left with his thoughts and the scenery of falling leaves on the ground then, thinking about that phrase he used to hear people say, he loves me, he loves me not.

And he couldn’t help but ask, does Mark loves me or not?

***

It took about five whole days before Mark and Jaebum meet up again. An inevitable consequence since the older of the two promised Aunt Miyoung he’ll attend the last day celebration for Chuseok. An unbreakable agreement since that is what this whole charade is for.

Mark thought of various and creative reasons to avoid the other for as long as he could, even having to tell him he’s needed to run an errand for his mom when in reality, he would freeze over before going grocery shopping for anything. Mark doesn’t know if Jaebum has been catching up with his foolish behavior but from the text messages they have been exchanging, the latter seems to be nonchalant with his absence, even telling Mark that he tried hanging out at The Tree alone and enjoying the silence by himself.

Arriving at Jaebum’s aunt’s place, Mark already starts to feel his nerves creeping in, wrapping around his limbs like lead—heavy and burdensome. He feels the painful throb in his heart when he realized that he has to witness Jaebum looking like a hurt puppy again because his Taecyeon hyung will probably be there as well. He doesn’t know if he could chase away the jealousy he has harbored together with his deep feelings for the other boy.

If only I have met him earlier, he wouldn’t have to go through that pain, because I will cast them all away, he thinks as he finally rings the doorbell.

“Oh! Mark!” It was Aunt Miyoung, opening the door for him and giving him her signature cheshire smile. She looks over her shoulder and yells, “Jaebummie! Mark’s here!”

A flurry of greetings were then heard from the back of the house where Mark guessed the dining area’s in. He didn’t have a chance to confirm if it is since a warm and hard body has now engulfed him into a bear hug, picking him up from his place in the porch towards the entrance hall.

His heart picks up speed as he continued to be hugged tightly by Jaebum, his clean and manly scent consuming his senses.

“Oh, god! I missed you!” the latter breathes in his ear, sending a tingling sensation all over his veins.

“I-I missed you too,” he stammers, finding it hard to have a coherent thought when Jaebum’s all over him. 

Maybe taking pity on him, the said boy has now let him go, gazing at him intensely before giving him a kiss on his cheek, making him blush profusedly. Jaebum mutters something in Korean, chuckling when Mark could only scrunch his nose in confusion.

“I said, Have a wonderful Chuseok!”

“Oh,” Mark mumbles, cheeks still flushed from being welcomed intensely by the younger boy. “Have a wonderful Chuseok… too?” he mumbles, unsure. Jaebum beams at him, making him smile back.

“Thanks! Let’s go?”

Mark could only nod.

The party was great, at least in Mark’s very little knowledge about how it should be celebrated. He especially loved the food being served to him (or more like Jaebum’s relatives force fed him). He enjoyed how easy going they were, even letting the two of them drink a shot of soju to celebrate. Silently, Mark thanked the heavens when he caught no sign of Taecyeon in the party, making it a bit easier for him to pretend that this thing with Jaebum’s no longer pretend. 

Now that late lunch is over and it’s almost sunset, the two of them decided to hangout at the back porch, bundled in thick blankets Jaebum’s grandmother lent them, hot chocolate drinks and a small fire pit helping in keeping them warm.

“I… I finally talked to Taecyeon hyung the other day,” Jaebum mutters suddenly, piercing the comfortable silence Mark fell into. The younger is smiling easily then, halting the older in any of his thoughts.

All of the tension he managed to shed from the time he stepped in had come back in full force, puching all of the air out of his lungs because this is it, this where it will all end. Jaebum would actually tell him they do not have to pretend anymore.

Mark’s not even sure if he’s ready.

“I see…” he mumbles, tone detached when he feels anything but.

Jaebum smiles at him again, so bright and so hopeful that makes Mark want to run away. Oh what he’s willing to do to be the reason for the younger’s bright smiles, too bad that he wouldn’t ever be.

Ok Taecyeon’s really lucky.

“We talked about how stupid it was of me to run away from him when what I felt shouldn’t be ashamed about. He even told me that it was cute, keeping it in like that when I could have just been honest,” Jaebum continues to say, chuckling adorably which pierces Mark’s already fragile heart bit by bit, crushing the last hope he’s holding on to.

“I see…” he repeats, not sure what to say anymore.

“Hey, you okay?” the younger asks, probably noting that something’s amiss. He was about to cup Mark’s cheek when the older boy unintentionally darts his face away, a flash of hurt flickering on Jaebum’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“But you—”

“So I supposed everything was okay with you and that hyung? You guys are talking again?”

Despite the confusion now marring his face, Jaebum nods at Mark’s inquiries.

“That’s great!” Mark greets, internally cringing with how fake it sounded, plastering a smile on his face that he couldn’t make reach his eyes. He tries to sound enthusiastic even though deep inside he already feels like dying. “Me and Gab have also talked the other day—”

“You’re still talking?” Jaebum cuts off, oddly looking like he’s personally offended by that piece of information.

Mark nods as he remembers how he told Gab that he’s finally moved on from him, managing to have a closure with the guy he used to date for quite some time.

“Yeah! Exes could still be friends, Jaebum. We’ve also been together for 2 years and it’s not that easy to let that go.”

“But I thought you said you didn’t want him back?”

“I said I want to make him jealous not I don’t want him back,” Mark lies, thinking it’ll be best to say it just so he could end this as quickly as possible. Less questions asked, the better. “And with that being said, there’s no use to do this whole pretend thing anymore, right? Your aunt has already bought this thing, Taecyeon and you have reconciled and finally, Gab and I made up. All of our problems were solved, right?”

Jaebum blinks at him, nonplussed. His mouth opening and closing like he wants to say something but couldn’t end up with a coherent one.

Mark couldn’t tell if he’s just imagining the younger boy’s eyes turning misty or not since he averted his eyes away as soon as he felt his own eyes getting moist from the pain of having to let go.

“I was meaning to tell this to you before but I just don’t see the right time to do it,” he starts. “But Jaebum, let’s end this now, okay? Let’s stop pretending.”

A pregnant pause befall in the midst of them, weighing heavily as they start to realize Mark’s implications.

“I-I, no wait…” Jaebum sputters, grabbing Mark’s wrist when the latter starts to stand up from his seat. “I… That’s it?”

Mark shrugs. “What do you mean?”

“You will just end it just like that? I mean… how do-what about me? What do I tell people when they asked? You should have told me you’re planning to do this and not end it just like that!”

Mark’s heart clenches at Jaebum’s pained voice. “What do you want me to do? We’re at the end of the bargain, Jaebum. We’ve both done our parts. There’s no other thing that would makes us both stay in this setup.”

“But l… we could have ended this in a more peaceful manner. I don’t understand why it has to be like this,” the younger argues, eyes pleading.

Mark sighs painfully, his throat closing in with how confusing and painful Jaebum’s actions are making him feel. He thinks that it will be better for his sanity if he keeps some distance from the other boy first. Pull back and examine his feelings when Jaebum’s not around.

“I guess you could charge this to experience for now. Breakups happen and this is how messy they could be. At least you know now how it could be, even if it’s all pretend.”

Mark immediately dialed Jackson’s number, saying “Babe, I am on my way,” when his friend picks it up on the third ring. He could hear Jackson’s confusion on the other line but hangs up before his friend could ask further.

With the abrupt and slightly rude dismissal, the other boy lets go of him like he’s scorned, looking hurt for reasons Mark couldn’t actually understand why.

He’s reconciled with his Teacyeon hyung. He should be celebrating now, right?

“See you around, Jaebum,” Mark whispers softly, turning towards the house, his tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He managed to say his goodbyes to Jaebum’s relatives without a hitch, albeit feeling the keen eyes of Jaebum’s dad on his face before he was finally let go by everyone.

And with that, Mark has finally left, leaving his heart pinned in Jaebum’s hand without the younger boy even knowing it did.

***

Jaebum lets out a deep sigh as he looks up at the pink and orange sky, sun now leaving a splash of colors for him to stare at. He would have reveled in its beauty, if his pretend-boyfriend just didn’t break up with him… if that is even possible, to break up when there’s nothing to break in the first place. How ironic; this setup, as it finally ends. Who would think that the means became more important for him than the end?

He knows that this thing he has with Mark will inevitably have to end, however, he didn’t expect Mark to end it like he did. It’s so unfeeling and detached that it made him understand how the older boy feels about him all this time. There’s the answer to Mark’s feelings for him.

At least it ended before it gets to serious. Right?

Jaebum hears the sound of someone sitting beside him then, feeling another person’s warmth he thinks he’s longing for at this time. The said person wrapped Jaebum’s shoulders back with the blanket that has pooled on his waist when Mark left, comforting his numbing body… and heart.

“You want to talk about it?” his stepdad asks softly, his voice unbelivably gentle and soothing for Jaebum’s recently broken heart.

He glances at him and forced a smile, which then turned into a grimace until he’s blinking back tears.

“Yeah?” he mutters, swiping at stubborn tears that managed to escape from his eyes.

His stepdad had the decency to avert his eyes from the younger’s face, leaving him with the pride of pretending he’s still got his emotions under control.

They stayed that way for a while, Jaebum breathing out the pain while his stepdad listens to his quiet cries for help. When he finally calms down, the elder pats his head adoringly, kissing the top of his head with so much affection and love.

“You know, I’m glad you met Mark and managed to fall in love with someone, son. For a while, I thought you’ll forever steer away from it because of me. You make me, and I’m sure your mom too, so happy seeing you letting yourself experience that, Jaebum-ah.”

Jaebum bites his lip to fight the overwhelming emotion of hearing it from his usually quiet stepfather. It’s strange, how he’s now being comforted by the person he’s only looking up to growing up.

“Revel in the happiness and pain of love, son,” he continues to say, eyes steely in their resolve as he gazes at Jaebum’s apprehensive ones. “You can’t always have to be afraid of your emotions just because some love stories you saw or read didn’t end up happy. Take my love story with your mom as an example; yes she left early but do you honestly believe it ended awfully?”

Jaebum shakes his head in response, slowly realizing where the older man is getting at.

“No. Because the way she still loved me and I love her before she passed away proved that what we had was real and true. And I wouldn’t exchange that feeling with anything, even with if there’s an option where I could dodge the pain of losing a loved one. The world ain’t always sunshine and rainbows, Jaebum-ah, but that doesn’t mean you should let yours become bleak.”

“How do you move on from losing someone, Appa?” he asks, earning a dry chuckle from the older man.

“You don’t move on from it, Jaebum. You get through it. That means you need to experience the pain—let the pain make you understand what you felt. So, in the future, when you fell for another person or for the same person, it would be more meaningful, more personal for you.”

Jaebum felt his stepdad’s hand clasping his shoulder, patting his back with the other.

“You make me so proud, Jaebum. Thank you for being you.”

Jaebum tearily gazes up at the sky, noticing how the pastel colors are now being eaten into the darkest shade of blue, the moon hanging low in it. There were a few stars doting the darkness, twinkling like the hope flickering in his heart. A renewed feeling bloomed in his chest, urging him to find resolve in the midst of a broken heart.

Jaebum then glances at his stepdad, smiling when he caught him looking at him as well. They were both misty eyed, both remembering the love they had, and Jaebum wanted to experience what the older man treasured in his life.

He wanted to find his true love.

***

“Please explain to me why am I being subjected to this depressing vibe you’re emmiting?” Jackson asks the next day after Mark “broke up” with Jaebum, holing himself a space on Jackson’s sofa, pestering the Chinese boy by borrowing his Netflix account and eating all of his chocolate pudding.

Mark barely throws him a glance as he takes another spoonful of the dessert in his mouth.

“Mark, hey,” Jackson calls out, kicking the older boy’s shin to catch his attention. When Mark looks up at him, Jackson asks, “Why are you even doing this? You are the one who ended that shit you had with Jaebum so why are you acting like a petulant child?”

“Because I don’t really wanna end it but I know and can feel that he will so I took it into my own hands and did it myself anyway.”

Jackson couldn’t help but roll his eyes, knocking on Mark’s head with his shoulder massager as he shakes his head fervently. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know that already. So, please be more creative with the insults,” the older boy mumbles, voice too low to be laced with any emotion.

Jackson sighs. “Did you at least let him speak for himself?”

“He said enough…” he mutters, remembering how Jaebum looks so happy telling him about Taecyeon and how they got together again.

“Hmm… but not everything?” Jackson inquires again, giving Mark a disappointed glare when the latter shakes his head in response.

“Oh my goodness, Mark! Why are you so stupid?”

“What?” he says defensively, knowing there’s no other way he could counter his best friend’s statement. “I don’t want to hear him say goodbye. It’s going to be too painful for me!”

“Well what if he also doesn’t want to say goodbye? Didn’t you think that it would also be painful for him?”

“He wouldn’t stay with me, he’s still in love with Taecyeon!” Mark whines, burying his head in a pillow, screaming his frustrations in the soft cushion.

At the back of his mind, Mark never really thought about Jaebum not wanting to end whatever relationship they have, so now that the idea was put in his head, he feels the painful tug at the ends of his heart.

“Okay, answer this then,” Jackson starts. “Did he tell you he’s still in love with Taecyeon?”

Mark shakes his head.

“No? Okay. Now, did he tell you that the two of them will go out, as more than friends, from now on?”

Again, Mark shakes his head, a pout forming in his lips.

“No? Hmmm… did he tell you that he wants you to stop seeing him?”

At this, Mark peeks from under the pillow, the realization of Jackson’s questions making him have second thoughts. They shared a look for a while, Jackson’s eyebrows raised while Mark shuts his eyes in regret.

“I am really stupid, huh?” he mutters forlornly, hearing his friend, the asshole that he is, laughed at his expense.

“You don’t say!”

***

“Hyung! Come on, hyung! Open the door!”

It was Bambam, knocking on his door for a good minute like his pants is on fire. His brother’s relentless personality has started to annoy the heck out of him and Jaebum would have opened the door if it wasn’t for the fact that Mark was also outside with his brother, suddenly showing up at their doorstep, saying he have to talk to Jaebum.

He wants to laugh. It was so ironic since the last time they did talk, Jaebum almost had a breakdown, so right now he thinks he will have to pass from the opportunity to see Mark.

“Hyung stop being a coward and come out from there already!” Bambam continues to yell, Jaebum hearing him kick the door from their side.

“Leave me alone!” he yells back, burying his head under the pillows.

“I can’t understand you! You’ve been grumbling that you missed Mark hyung but now that he’s here, you’re not even coming out of your room.” He hears the young boy mutters at the other side of the door. “Unbelievable!”

Jaebum fights the urge to open the door and snatch his brother’s head or smack it to kingdom come. His teenage brother is on the brink of losing his life for the second time this year because of his meddlesome personality. However, since Mark’s outside, Jaebum decides that it doesn’t matter anymore.

He could always kill Bambam after the older boy leaves anyway.

A flurry of activities could be heard outside, Bambam and Mark murmuring but their conversation unintelligible on his end. Then he hears footsteps stomping away downstairs, leaving the front of his room silent.

Finally, he thinks.

But before he could sigh in relief, Jaebum hears a familiar voice talking, not too loud like Bambam’s but enough for him to hear.

“Jaebummie?”

It was Mark. Obviously staying behind, maybe convincing Bambam to leave so he could talk, or at least beg Jaebum to talk to him.

Jaebum’s breath hitches, holding as he waits for the older boy to talk more. A huge part of him is still terrified for how this supposed conversation would end, given how their last went through. But a small portion of his mind is still hoping that it will end differently. Like they would at least be good friends after all of this charade.

He could only hope so.

***

Mark bites his lips in nervousness, anxitety kicking in now that he’s alone and standing in front of a door he’s not sure will open anytime soon. Bambam just went downstairs, giving him his support despite Mark telling him it was entirely his fault that Jaebum’s this way.

He stayed silent for a while, head reeling in with words he wanted to convey but didn’t know how to express. Where do you start in explaining yourself? Where do you even start when you have to apologize for being such an ass?

Mark shakes his head fervently, sighing deeply before deciding to just try to wing it.

“Jaebummie,” he says, voice soft but loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door.

He waits for the other boy to answer but there was nothing—as he kind of expected.

Mark leans his forehead towards the door, mind going back to those times he will be eskimo kissed, the gesture so intimate and sweet; enough to give him the drive to lay it all out for Jaebum.

“Look, I know you’re mad at me and I totally understand why,” he starts to say, swallowing the lump forming at his throat. “I have been an ass to you the last time we were together. I know that you weren’t really ready to end things with us but because I was such an idiot, I decided things without even taking your feelings and ideas into consideration.”

A pause.

“The… the truth is, when you started talking about Taecyeon, I felt so jealous. It’s like there’s this part of me that wanted to lash out because I know I couldn’t compare to him for you. So instead of listening about your reconciliation with him like an actual good friend, I ran away and left you instead. And I know! I know that there is not excuse to what I did to you. It was unforgivable and stupid. I am so, so, so sorry, Jaebum.”

Breathing deeply, Mark hopes there will be at least a sound of confirmation that Jaebum’s listening to him at the other side, but again, like before, there was only silence.

“When we started this whole pretend thing, I thought it will be easy, you know? I will just have to act to be in love with you and pretend to be way over my ex—who by the way I completely moved on from. Please believe me that nothing’s going on with me and Gab anymore. It was Jackson I called that day. Again, I’m sorry for being stupid.”

Mark splays his hand against the door, imagining it was Jaebum’s chest he’s holding while the younger boy’s breath was tickling his ear.

“It wasn’t easy because you’re so hard not to like, Jaebum. Everything about you makes it hard for me to distance myself. Like that one time you took a photo of me when we’re hanging out at the library and made it your wallpaper, saying you can’t help but save it because I looked beautiful. It was a very simple gesture but you made me feel like I’m special, like I’m worth it for you. And I know it was pretend for you but for me, slowly, I started to forget that it was. Your touches, the way you would kiss me or whisper sweet nothings to me have become so real that there were times I was actually guilty for taking advantage of our situation. It wasn’t what you signed up for, so for so many days I contemplated if I will tell you or not about how strong my feelings are growing for you. But then I got so scared of hearing you say you can’t take me in so I ran.”

Mark remembers the way Jaebum’s face fallen that day and couldn’t help but feel another throb in his heart, turning into a dull pain. This could end the way he’s hoping or not but he has long decided that whatever the outcome would be, he would tell the other boy his feelings.

No more running and time to face this.

“I don’t know if you’re hearing me or not but Jaebum, I just want you to know how much I cherish you and care about you. This may have been a thousand times cliché and we both promised not to be, but Jaebum,” Mark mutters softly, feeling the warmth forming on his cheeks.

“Jaebum, I am hopelessly and madly in love with you. I really love you. And… and I don’t really mind if you don’t feel the same since I have long realized that it’s impossible for you—”

As if on cue, the door opens wide and a blast of Jaebum’s aircondition from the room swoops in Mark’s face, easing his warming cheeks. Since he’s leaning on the door, Mark almost face planted on the floor if it wasn’t for the other boy’s quick hands catching him, holding him tight as they try not to stare at each other’s equally warming faces.

“Hi?” Mark awkwardly mutters after a while, smiling tightly as Jaebum continues to stare at him.

“Say that again, the thing you said before I opened the door,” the latter says, voice breathless.

“Which one? That we don’t want to be cliché?”

Jaebum shakes his head. “No, the thing after that.”

“That it’s impossible for you to feel the same way about me?”

Jaebum has now snaked his arms around Mark’s waist, pulling him flush against him, like that first time they kissed in the field.

“No, before that,” he whispers, sending shivers down Mark’s spine.

“I am… That I am in love with you?” the latter finally mutters shyly, eyes glancing down at Jaebum’s chest to avoid the intensity of the younger boy’s eyes.

He feels Jaebum’s eyes still on him, his thumb grazing his chin to level their eyes again.

“Is that true? You’re in love with me?”

Mark bites his lip, shutting his eyes in embarrassment.

“Yes. I’m sorry if I did.”

“Don’t be,” Jaebum cuts off, cupping his cheeks now, staring deeply into his eyes as he moves closer to his face. “Because I am also in love with you.”

“What?”

“All this time I thought you will never feel the same but you’re here now telling me otherwise. I don’t know what to say. This feels like a dream.”

Mark sighs in relief hearing Jaebum’s words, soaking in the confession even if it sounded like the other boy still couldn’t believe that this is happening.

The former grabs Jaebum’s wrists, squeezing it for good measure, saying, “This is real, Jaebum. I’m here.”

“I honestly thought you didn’t like me. When I talked to Taecyeon hyung, he told me to be braver with my feelings and tell you about it. But that night at Aunt Miyoung’s house, you left me before I could even tell you…”

“It was all my fault..”

Jaebum places his index finger on Mark’s lips to stop him from talking for a while, which the latter followed instantly, opting to stare up at him instead.

“Let me talk first. I want you to hear this, okay?” Mark nods whilst the younger sighing deeply.

“It wasn’t all your fault since I made you believe that it was nothing for me, that you were nothing to me. I was scared of laying it all bare in front of you because I was scared to get hurt and be left alone. But that time you broke up with me, I have learned quite a few things. And realized that it wasn’t that bad at all.”

Jaebum back-pedalled when he sees Mark’s raised eyebrows. “Okay, don’t get me wrong, it does hurt. I needed a few days to cope and get back on my feet, but falling for you? Letting my heart be vulnerable for you? It was… it was worth it, Mark. I don’t think I will ever exchange the experience to anything in the world.”

The older boy then averts his eyes from Jaebum again, the overwhelming feelings enveloping his lithe frame. Finding it hard to keep his tears of joy, he buries his face in the younger boy’s chest, sniffing and taking security over there. Jaebum lets him hide for a while, hugging him tight while they let their version of truths settle in the recesses of their minds.

***  
Jaebum beams in the realization that he’s been feeling the same way as the other boy, who’s now nuzzling his chest in slight embarrassment and (he hopes) happiness.

For about a week of wallowing in sadness, Jaebum couldn’t help but look back at all of the things he experienced from the last month until the present. In such a short time, he has managed to throw his aunt off his back, get a boyfriend (even though pretend), do a bit of socializing which he steers away from, fixed his relationship with his friend and fall in love with his pretend boyfriend. He also experienced breaking up with someone and hoping to all that is holy that he wouldn’t experience it again.

He hopes he’ll stay with Mark for a very long time, holding him close like this, in their own little bubble.

When Mark eventually breaks away from him, there was a teary smile plastered on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I guess we failed at not being cliché, huh?” he kids, earning a hearty chuckle from Jaebum that reached until his heart. The younger leans his forehead against his, their noses touching before the former starts nuzzling them together.

“It’s inevitable since we’re bound for a faux pas.”

At that, both of them laughed uncontrollably, their body shaking from too much nerves and excitement. They embraced tightly for a while, before their eyes met and their laughter dies down.

“I love you,” Mark whispers, a millimeter away from Jaebum’s lips.

The younger boy smiles adorably, his breath smells of mint and something sweet. Mark looks ethereal because of the sun rays pouring in from the window on his back, and Jaebum inches closer, almost tasting his mouth. He eventually closed the distance, feeling so happy now that he has Mark in his arms. He may not know what tomorrow might bring but at least there’s a chance to try.

“I love you too,” he whispers, and he sees the his future become bright when Mark smiles.


End file.
